Tuesday, December 9, 2008
December again and I don't feel very Christmas-y. Maybe that's because this is the year that I think I finally lost my faith, religion, whatever you want to call it. I got all kinds of introspective about it round about the middle of the year. I spent months and months going over it all afresh, everything I've been taught to believe, this whole doctrine of Christianity trying to find some magic bullet Bible verse that makes it all jibe with what is logically, tangibly, provably true and good. Turns out, there's just not much there bolsters a case for faith. Turns out that more than providing answers and truths, the Bible has provoked questions and exposed itself as contradictory. Turns out that actively, critically thinking about faith and religion it has proven to be its very undoing in my mind.
So this is my first Christmas season as an Agnostic and it feels a lot different. Being certain of things for so many years was easy and comforting and required very little of me. Fessing up to Not Knowing is sorta scary. It requires that I read and research and write and in short, do a lot of mental and spiritual leg work. It requires that I think and I'm not used to that.
I'm not the "Tear Down the Manger Scene this X-mas" type, so I will wish a Merry Christmas to all of those who believe and find comfort in the story.
1 comments:
Here are a couple of things that I would suggest you read and then ponder:
http://www.thislife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?episode=304
I was riveted by the story of Carlton Pearson, an evangelical who came to 'know' that parts of the bible are simply not correct, that Jesus died for EVERYONE not just Christians, and that there is no hell. I personally grew up sort of agnostic, with atheist parents, so stories like this speak to me of the real power of faith, should it all be real.
This is about an atheist soldier and is just plain nice. http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=97992274&ps=cprs
Having not grown up in any religious tradition, it's easy for me to "have it both ways" - I hope you find a comfortable place for yourself as well.
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